Finding Heaven
by La Editor
Summary: Haku is dead, and his purpose is void. Imagine his surprise when he finds something different, in a girl he once knew. ABANDONED. Probably.
1. One Is Company

Wow. **Wow.** I'm posting this, I'm posting this! Finding Heaven, something I've been waiting to do for ages and ages after so much planning. I wanted to have most of it done before I posted it, but I have it planned and I can't wait any more for fear of not posting it at all. I know I have Unwritten to attend to - which I quite promise I will - but the Haku Sakura fandom really needs some more stories and I'm here to give it a rather useless one, but that's not the point, now is it:)

Anyway, Finding Heaven is about Haku after his death, lonely and waiting for a friend, company, a purpose - anything. That's where Sakura comes in, and he finds himself on a wild goosehunt to fix what he never broke in the first place but finds it might as well be him to take responsibility and do something.

This is a result of overexposure to Hayou Miyazaki. :) Don't be alarmed.

Anyway, so to end this authors note, I really hope you enjoy this. It's been fun writing so far, and I'm looking forward to doing the whole thing. As a quick sidenote, I'm putting to prologue and chapter one together as a double whammy. This means you _better_ review because I'm so nice.

Disclaimer: Naruto and all related characters don't belong to me, but this rather strange plotline does.

Anyway. I hope you enjoy! (That sounded corny. Pay no mind.)

-Mandy (La Editor)

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_Finding Heaven_

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_Prologue_

It is dark. And it is cold. But no worries here; everything's going to be fine, isn't it?

…Isn't it?

His eyelids are heavy. They are made of lead. His arms are made of steel. This is the only reasonable explanation, is it not? Because they don't move. He doesn't move, and he doesn't move because he can't.

Can't even breathe.

This would ordinarily alarm him to some extent. Isn't it odd to not breathe? Yes, of course. Because he needs oxygen, because he's a living being, isn't he?

Isn't he?

Living things feel. This is a given. Living things feel cold, and warm, and wind, and everything else. Right now he just feels cold. But he _feels_ it, so he's alive.

Isn't he?

This confuses him. Because he feels cold, but he also feels like he is trapped. Trapped, in the literal sense. He tries to lift an arm (_a finger, a leg – anything, because the fact he can't move at all is starting to frighten him) _but he can't. He tries to open his eyes. He can't, because it's too hard. They won't open. Glued shut.

But he _is_ trapped. He can't see, or touch, and he feels cold, but he also feels like he is in a very, very tight space, almost like it's molded to his skin. He still feels cold – yet this is the only thing he can feel.

Cold. On the inside, not even from his own skin telling him he's cold. Yet Haku doesn't mind the cold so much, because it is his element. Ice. He doesn't mind the cold so much, which is reason enough to lie down and rest a while.

He rests for so long. Not truly asleep, not awake. A doze.

And it seems so long, so long until Haku _feels_, because whatever has trapped him is suddenly gone, in the blink of an eye; he suddenly feels the cold on his skin, and he suddenly feels snow, and his eyes snap open and he jolts up, gulping up the ice air and snow down all at once like he'd never breathed before, not once.

Haku looks up.

He is on a bridge. There is blood, and it is snowing. There is no one near him, except for the two men walking up ahead.

Two men. One of them is that man. Old man, who builds bridges. He is carrying Zabuza, who is not breathing.

Haku stops breathing.

He then sees the other man, and he doesn't take another breathe for a very long time. Because that other man is the copy ninja. The one with his blood all over his vest and hand. And he is carrying a boy.

The boy has brown hair, tied up in a bun besides his long bangs, which are tied off with little silver clips that aren't silver anymore, but mostly brown, dried blood crusted across... That boy is wearing a brown turtleneck sweater and a teal blue yukata, a boy's casual yukata, with open end pants that end far below his knee, and all his nails are painted such a pretty green, even though the nail polish is chipping, and he's covered in blood from the gaping hole in his chest, and his face – _his face, _his face is resting, because his eyes are closed so Haku can't make out what color they are, but his nose is so familiar, and his mouth, too –

Haku stumbles to his feet. What are they going to do to us? Zabuza, what are they going to do to us? This boy with blood dripping down his face is me, Zabuza, is that man over there who isn't breathing you?

He almost trips in his haste to follow, and after another step he does. Wait! He is on the ground, and he forgets to get up to follow them for a moment. His voice doesn't work very well, and for the life of him he can't imagine why. Wait, he calls, and he stumbles to his feet again. Wait, wait, what are you going to do to us?

But the two men keep walking. Don't even pause. Don't even pause to acknowledge him, show they hear him.

Just keep walking.

* * *

Chapter One: One Is Company

* * *

The barstool squeaked a little; it adjusted, first this way then that, before resting and continuing to revel quietly in the warm, orange rays from the sun on a late afternoon. 

Kakashi experimented with said stool a little – this way, that way, just to get comfortable because he wasn't used to eating at the little ramen stand that a little blonde boy made him and a little pink-haired girl promise to eat at once a week so the little stand wouldn't go under.

He didn't understand what made the little noodle shop so important to the boy – the location? The noodles themselves, when he could get just as good noodles anywhere else? The pretty waitress with a wide smile and the kind old man? But he did as the blonde had asked so pleadingly because the simplest things like a two-worker stand meant something to him, and this is how life goes.

His thoughts were interrupted by the abrupt plopping sound of someone dropping down onto the stool next to him. He looked over.

"Hello, Sakura-chan."

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei," the mentioned greeted back. She was tired. Worn. But still put on a happy front for the sake of normalcy. He offered to pay for a meal, and she gladly accepted as the waitress smiled and told the chef another ramen, please; miso, this time, like Naruto-kun's old favorite, but a small, and not extra miso, just a regular size.

"How's training with Tsunade-sama?" Kakashi inquired politely. He plucked a pair of chopsticks from the stack, snapping them apart cleanly. She didn't bother to notice that he pulled his mask down a fraction of an inch and was feeding himself.

"Fine," Sakura answered, pulling out her own pair of chopsticks, but hesitating to snap them apart for a moment; without even thinking, she accidentally cracked the chopsticks in half, flinching a little at her own unrealized strength and the few splinters embedded in her palm. She frowned, throwing the broken pair away and grabbing a new pair.

"You sure are getting strong," her sensei said in a different tone of voice. Somewhere between proud, and somewhere between nostalgic. Sakura grinned.

"Domo arigatou, thank you very much, sensei. How're all the missions going with you?"

"The last one ended up with me in the hospital with poison and a rodent bite on – ah, nevermind," Kakashi replied mildly. "Dare I call it a drag. But I've been lucky enough to be given a week off."

"That's good. Actually, I already knew you were getting a week off." Sakura smiled. It reminded Kakashi suspiciously of Naruto's old mischievous grins.

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because. I asked Tsunade-shishou for a few days off." Sakura then trailed off and the grin faded to be replaced by an unhappy look. "Last year… at this time…"

Kakashi sought out Sakura's train of thought for a few moments before catching on.

"We were in the Land of Waves, weren't we?"

"Mm. I was actually… well, I'm going anyway, but I was wondering if you'd like to go back with me. Tomorrow." The copy ninja certainly didn't expect this; he almost asked why, but figured that it wasn't needed. He knew exactly why.

"…Sure."

-

"Sensei? Sensei, wake up… I told you to come early, didn't I? Come on; we'll be late, we'll be late," …because he knew just how his pink-haired student hated to be late; Kakashi wearily cracked his visible eye open, glad he slept with his mask on because there was a girl with pink hair prodding him to wake up and gathering his things together and stuffing them in a pack; no, no time to get ready, we've got to leave. We've got to go.

"Why would it matter if we're late?" He asked as he slowly sat up in a tank top and loose pajama pants, both which smelled vaguely like dog (it could've been the whole apartment, on the other hand), scratching his head before standing off his bed.

"…We just can't be late. It will take long enough if you're as slow as you are now, sensei. Come on!" The girl impatiently threw the pack at his head; that woke him up, so he grabbed the pack and shooed her out of his bedroom to wait in the living room while he got ready. Kakashi vaguely wondered how she even got in – did he give her a room key?

Deciding he didn't want to know, Kakashi shook the thought out of his head as he stepped into a cold shower.

-

"You're better at keeping up, Sakura-chan."

"I've been training."

"…With Tsunade-sama?"

"Mm-hmm, Shizune-nee-chan, too. They're great… oh, and one time when shishou and Shizune-nee-chan were too busy with the patients after the last Sound attack, I trained with Anko-sensei," Sakura grimaced a little but then grinned again. Kakashi didn't say anything for a while.

"I haven't trained you for a while, have I?" Without bothering for an answer, Kakashi continued. "I still have a team, you know, and I've been neglecting her in aspects of the shinobi. I should start training her on my week off."

Sakura's eyes widened, and a large, unbelieving smile filled up her face as they both continued jumping between the branches.

"Thank you, sensei!"

---

_How long have I been sitting here?_

Too long.

_Why am I still here?_

Because.

_Is it because I'm evil?_

You didn't make it to heaven, did you?

_…But I didn't go to hell, either._

Haku played this game. He was his only company. Nobody, no one else. Playing these games. Asking questions. Counting stars. Watching the sun move across the sky. Day after day, night after night. No idea how long. Lost count.

He was leaning against the little cross, holding his legs against his chest with his face buried. The flowers had long ago fallen away. Carried away by the wind; he watched the flowers leave, one by one, until there were none. Watching the flowers leave while sitting against the cross.

But that wasn't exactly true. First he sat against the sword. His sword. It was still standing so much taller, prouder than the little cross he was against now; it still had a majestic, rugged aura. Just like Zabuza.

Eventually, though, he realized that Zabuza's _body _was in the ground, right below him, and he felt slightly queasy because the thought made him think of a corpse; not how he wanted to remember the man he had traveled with for so long. The man who made a purpose for him.

So he moved. By then a few flowers had already fallen off. He counted the rest, because he didn't have anywhere else to go. Nothing else to do; because unlike other graves, there was no one to come keep him company. If anything, people would come to kick his cross, to spite him with malice and anger because of the trouble he'd put them through.

Haku probably wouldn't blame them, either.

It was another day. Yesterday had been nice, because it was summer again and even though he liked snow, he could feel the orange rays from the sun filter down through clear skies better. This morning was cloudy, though, such a contrast to yesterday, and as noon came the clouds covered up the sky and everything was gray. The first time for a year, because the Land of Waves was an island. Islands are hot and bright… not that it wasn't hot; it was the middle of summer, and it was hot, but it was cloudy and gray and snowy-

Snowy? This time of year? Yes, snowy. Haku raised his head for the first time in a long time to look up at the sky and see the snow. He found something different.

-

"You go on ahead, Sakura-chan. I'm going to go talk to Inari-kun and Tazuna-san. You go on ahead."

Sakura quietly parted from her sensei and stepped into the store uncertainly. Her feet made small little tip-tap sounds, because the store was empty (no one wanted to go out on a day like today) but so much better and healthier looking than the first time she was here. Lots of fruits and vegetables and other things, and everything was clean.

She paid for the offering food and went on her way.

Everything was much more prosperous. No one out on the street, and everything was so much cleaner. Prettier. The houses were scrubbed clean, the graffiti and telltale signs of hardship washed away, and the broken down places were remodeled, rebuilt, with a new, whiter sheen; the traditional doors were replaced with new ones; industrialized little doors painted white with fancy little golden handles and polish. It was progressing.

Outside the major city – or town, because the main part of the island was hardly a city – it was only wild, the few houses littering the outskirts still old, with chipping wood and dirty walls, roofs with patches on them and broken windows. But that was to be expected.

Sakura slowly approached her destination, carrying nothing more than a little box of onigiri.

The graves were coming up slowly; her feet made small tapping sounds against the ground; _tap, tap, tap_. She slowed her already leisurely pace and a small, warm smile graced her lips.

"Hey, strangers..."

-

The girl.

With pink hair.

She was slowly walking towards him. Smiling… Why would she be smiling? Visiting graves of her enemies?

"I've seen you before," Haku whispered. His voice was hoarse; the last time he had spoken was one year ago.

One year ago exactly.

She quietly sat down, bowing her head and gently placing the box of onigiri down. An offering.

She didn't answer; he hadn't expected her to. He was dead, and no one could hear him, no one at all.

"Aa… Snow?" She looked up and raised her hand, palm up, to let a few flakes place themselves carefully onto it. "At this time of year…?" She shook her head a little and returned her attention to the earth.

"Momochi-san, Haku-san. Hello." The girl smiled again, but it was a little smaller and less bright than the first one. "Do you remember me? I'd suppose not… I was the weak little girl who couldn't protect the bridge builder. I thought I'd come pay a visit today. I supposed it was the right thing to do because you both helped me realize that I have to get stronger. I've changed my look and everything."

The tired, somber expression soon began to perk. She grinned and pointed to her hair with a friendly wink and her tongue stuck out a little in a silly smile. Haku watched her in fascination; a person, talking, smiling at him, to him – it was such a strange thing to experience! The oddity. He'd been away from mankind too long.

"Have you heard of the legendary healer Tsunade?"

Haku hesitated for a moment, then nodded. It didn't matter she couldn't see him, couldn't hear him. It was company.

"Yes, well, I'm being trained by her." She smiled again, proudly. It was contagious, because Haku felt his lips twitch upwards but stopped them.

"I'm learning how to heal and a few jutsu… it's wonderful. Really." The perkiness, giddiness, happiness faded away.

"I'm not here to tell you about me, though. I just thought I'd update you on the two little boys who caught both of your attentions so much a year ago." The girl laughed a little but it sounded far from happy. Haku didn't remember her name. He couldn't ask her anyway, though, and eliciting any sort of response, so he didn't even try.

"Well, the blonde – Naruto – he's gone on a training mission. To get stronger. He won't be back for a few years. He said he's going to try to get stronger to get back…" her face frowned.

"Sasuke… the one who nearly died, him… He left. Orochimaru – you both've heard of him, I'd bet – convinced him. For power." She gave another cute little grin that still hid nothing. The sadness swept off of her in torrents; easy to tell. She shielded nothing with the little smile that did not reach her eyes. It was so _fake_.

"Pathetic," Haku murmured. She didn't hear him. The girl sneezed instead.

"It's cold, ne? I should probably go before I get sick. I'm not that good at healing yet," she joked in a fake tone before bowing again and slowly standing up, brushing the dirt from her bruised knees. This time she smiled a half-real smile before leaving.

"I just wanted to visit. I thought you'd be lonely."

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Chapter one and prologue (though not necessarily in that order) completed! See the button? **CLICK THE BUTTON AND I WILL GIVE YOU CUPCAKES.**

Very, very yummy cyber cupcakes. :)


	2. Helping Along

Chapter two, here it comes. Been sitting in my computer for a while; I'm only up to chapter three currently, but I hate having to make the few people watching this wait. See, it picks up after chapter three and the visits end - ooh, but I can't say anymore, I'll spoil it. Just read:D

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_Finding Heaven_

Chapter Two: Helping Along

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He thought about her often.

It wasn't that she was much worth thinking about – he had a vague notion she was just another average (_or below, depending on how he interpreted his short time in her presence_) kunoichi girl. But he couldn't help it, because she really was the only thing worth thinking about in his existence.

In all actuality, it wasn't exactly she was the only thing _worth_ thinking about, but she was – in all truth – the only thing that didn't hurt to think about. Everything he was familiar with hurt. Parents. Home. Zabuza.

No, all he had was a sword and a little cross that was completely bare and starting to rot. And a pink haired girl who didn't make Haku feel bad to think about.

After she left, he had almost asked her to stay (_even if he knew she wouldn't hear him, but it still felt like if he had, she would have_), because no one else would visit for a long, long time, but he was immobilized, paralyzed by nothing in particular except the cold (_it was always so cold on days like that, and only the hot days gave any warmth at all, but still, the cold reminded him in its own painful way that he was still real_).

But he couldn't stand up, not for the life of him (_a strange paradox, sort of_), and then she was gone, over the distance and she probably wouldn't come back.

So he was content (_or very good at fooling himself into thinking_ _so_) sitting against the cross and reflecting.

Haku pieced together that the girl's name was Sakura. The copy ninja – Kakashi? Her sensei, in the least – had called her the smartest, so she was probably a strategist. Tsunade, the legendary healer… she had most likely gone out to the legendary woman for power. He didn't know much about the woman other than her amazing medical capabilities and superhuman power. He could still read into the girl, though.

The girl – Sakura – her teammates were Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. The Uchiha had the sharingan. Orochimaru… the name had seemed familiar, but Haku couldn't place it and it had long since turned into an annoying itch in the back of his mind.

That Naruto wasn't one to be underestimated, though. Haku still didn't understand where his amazing chakra boost had come from. It was a mystery he didn't have the strength nor will to truly put into solving it. So he left the itches in the back of his mind as itches, and nothing more.

Back to the girl. Smart. Not ugly. Lacked strength. Obviously going through some sort of self transformation – the first he had seen her, she was putting on a brave front to protect the bridge builder, but her long hair and pretty little kunoichi dress as well as a little more than friendly care for the Uchiha had shown her to be maybe a little vain. But still a child with a heart.

Then she came back with her hair all chopped off. Her clothes were darker – a dark, almost black sleeveless, collarless shirt, a white circle stitched onto the back, probably newly sewn on judging from the bright, new white color. Navy pants, closing in on her calves like a regular shinobi. Her hitae-ate was still there as a headband rather than across her forehead, but not much of a difference of color to the rest of her apparel.

Haku wanted to ask her what she was mourning, a colorful spirit wearing such cold, _colorless_ colors, but he couldn't, so he didn't dwell on it.

And she seemed a little less ecstatic about the dark haired boy, kinder about the blonde.

He read into her actions too much and began to form conclusions, thinking about her too much to be healthy, and when he thought so, he'd begin to think of her teammates and came to the same predicament, and so move on to the next until he got back to her and such it went.

-

She stopped to pop her knee for a moment and then continued walking with her makeshift team towards Konoha, towards home.

"That was easier than I thought it'd be," Sakura remarked. Kiba smiled his trademark grin that alarmingly resembled a wolf.

"As if! That was super easy."

"Kiba-kun… that might be because… Sakura-chan was, well, using her chakra to keep you healthy so you weren't injured," Hinata pointed out quietly, her own little way of teasing and reprimanding her teammate, who snorted in turn. The shy girl was more at ease around her teammates, and eventually it turned to Sakura as well.

"Yeah, Kiba-_kun_," Sakura prodded as well, using the more familiar suffix than her normal 'san.' Kiba snarled playfully – or at least, Sakura hoped – but then laughed wolfishly like he so often did. Akamaru licked her face – he was getting bigger, but not big enough to not be held by a girl, namely Sakura – and his tail wagged and Sakura giggled a little.

"Oh, what's today? I completely lost track," Sakura muttered, ceasing to scratch Akamaru behind the ears, who whined for attention again.

"Three days since the new moon," Shino's rather mysterious voice floated up. Sakura contemplated for a split second, then smiled and nodded in thanks.

"What's so special about today?" Kiba questioned, half interested.

"Not today, tomorrow," Sakura said with a light grin that wore off. "Kakashi-sensei and I have something to do. I just hope he isn't on a mission."

And as luck turned out, he wasn't.

Entering the village and turning in her mission report took little time for Sakura to complete, and she went off hunting for her sensei – first here, then there, off searching for possibly the only man in the whole village who understood the reason for her quest.

Finally, upon reaching (_of course; why hadn't she thought of this sooner?_) Ichiraku Ramen Stand, the man was just standing up and paying for his small meal.

"Kakashi-sensei!" The copy ninja turned around and, upon finding his young pupil whom he hadn't tutored for some time, raised his hand in greeting.

"Sakura-chan, hello. What brings you here?" He slid off the smooth surface of the wooden stool and strolled leisurely towards her.

"Well, do you have a mission tomorrow?" The oddity of the question made the man raise his one visible eyebrow.

"I just got back yesterday, so I d-"

"I know, I checked." The mischievous look in his remaining student's eye returned, a little twinkle that reminded him too much of one little boy he hadn't seen for a while.

"…Just what are you planning?"

"Well, what's tomorrow?"

By this time, they were walking side by side – nowhere in particular, just walking for the sake of walking and talking – and the adult slowed down in light contemplation, scratching his head a little before swallowing and addressing the issue before him. The grin forming on his student's face was, without a doubt, not good.

"…Please say I didn't forget your birthday again, because if it's tomorrow I didn't really forge-"

He was interrupted (_ever so rudely_) by the merry laughter of the child next to him, who's grin only (_if possible_) grew wider.

"That'd be horrible if you did forget, sensei, but really! My birthday was, like, three months ago, and you forgot then, but I'm fourteen now, anyway," Sakura stated dismissively. "What's tomorrow?"

Kakashi still didn't catch on, so being the impatient being – slowly learning patience, but it wasn't needed around him – that Sakura could be, she promptly frowned and stopped walking completely, her hands sternly placed upon her hips and a frightening mixture of anger, impatience, and disbelief mixing across her face.

"You really forgot? Sensei!" The exclaimed outburst made Kakashi wince and then grin sheepishly, but also swell with pride on the inside. His young protégé was finally beginning to accept who she was on the inside – wait, then again… That was probably just overexposure to Tsunade, who pulled the _real _Sakura out. He deflated. Damn, he really couldn't do much anymore.

"Okay, olly-olly-oxen-free, I give up. What's tomorrow?"

"…You really forgot?" The tone in his kind-of student's voice made the copy ninja stop, hands in pockets and a guilty seed starting to plant in him, and really think back.

"Ah… well… I… that was the last time I trained you in a year?"

The fourteen year old looked up at her sometimes-mentor expectantly.

"Er…" A whole new thought blew into his head and the copy ninja's head snapped at attention in realization and he looked directly down into his sometimes-student's eyes. "…You want to go back?"

The girl smiled – it was a little fake, but she was still perfecting the art of the fake smile – and nodded.

"This time, don't be late. I don't want to have to go into your stinky apartment and have to wake you up again!"

"…It really smells that bad?"

-

"You're… late."

"By how much?"

"You don't want to know. I told you not to be late this time!"

She was leaning against the wall, right across from the village gates – the guards had sleepily noticed her, but thought nothing of a ninja waiting for their team. She had been there at seven o'clock, thirty minutes late. Surprise, he wasn't there, but she hadn't expected him to be, so Sakura had waited patiently as the sun grew brighter and the city woke to another hot summer day.

Kakashi jumped down beside his sometimes-student. She nodded, and they sped off.

All Sakura could really think about was how strange it was that the closer they got, the colder it became.

-

"It's so nice to see you! Please, come in!" Tsunami gave a motherly, excited hug to the young woman standing in front of her, who couldn't help but smile at such sincere exuberance at her own arrival.

Quickly removing her shoes, Sakura followed Kakashi into the small, refurbished home; the walls, repainted, were a bright, friendly off-white, and the kitchen had been retiled – bright, sky blue walls and shining tiles, even new floors. All cracks, holes, and other damages caused by the wear and tear of a long-lived house were gone; the home was brighter, happier. Tsunami bowed them in with a flourish, obviously excited to show off such a wonderful upgrade.

"Hi, Sakura-chan!" A little ball of little boy barreled in, next, making the girl laugh.

"Hello, Inari-kun, it's nice to see you." She looked down at the grinning face of a boy with a piece of rope tied across his forehead.

-

_It's always cold._

That's what he thought, just that – ever since he woke up that morning (_this time, it was still dark; it almost upset him, because at least sleep was a few blessed hours of silence and nothingness_), all he could think about was how cold it was, in the middle of summer.

Mid-morning it started to snow.

And all he could think about was how, last time it snowed, a pink haired girl came to visit.

-

"I'm off," Sakura finally declared tiredly, standing and brushing imaginary dust off of her behind; she sidestepped the neat traditional pillow carefully placed next to the coffee table that the rest of the group was situated at.

"I thought you didn't have any missions," Tazuna remarked, taking a gulp of tea. "It'd be super if you could stay for a while." Tsunami and Inari both made agreeing noises, wishing for the company of their friend for a while longer.

"She doesn't," Kakashi's voice interrupted smoothly. "Sakura-chan just has some business to take care of. She'll be back soon."

Nodding at her sometimes-sensei's words, Sakura gave the group a reassuring smile and slipped on her shoes before closing the door with a resigned 'click' on her way out.

-

Haku stared blankly at the sky.

It was still snowing.

He had (_upon wanting to not think of anything at all, not even the girl, quick to invade his thoughts_) found accidentally that cloud watching was a perfect pastime. They floated around lazily, and it was such an incredible feeling that didn't wear off, to feel so small against something so large all around you, but not overbearing… but today, the clouds were everywhere without a trace of blue to be found, so he settled for watching the snow drifting down.

'_It's strange how the snow falls down on me.'_

Haku watched a flake pass through his hand. As if he weren't there.

'_…So strange.'_

He watched another snowflake settle on his knee.

-

"I wonder if they like dango," Sakura murmured absently as she hummed a little tune and picked out the offering food, loosely holding some flowers in her other hand. Not really caring either way, just complacent enough to be visiting, Sakura made her purchase and headed out into the hush of the snowfall.

-

"…Caribbean blue."

The soft voice penetrated his ears, lifting the veil of muteness he had endured for God knows how long; Haku lowered his lashes from the heavens and looked in disbelief, if not amazement, at the girl standing before him, slowly walking towards him.

"…The sky is usually caribbean blue. It's so colorless today," the girl commented complacently.

Haku liked the way she phrased the sentence. Not gray, colorless. He hadn't really put anything into words for such a long time, thoughts merely being… thoughts. Not really even noticing anything anymore.

"…The leaves are silver in this strange light," Haku answered softly, but of course she didn't hear him, because no one did.

Sakura approached him with ease and a small, contented smile.

She reminded Haku of snow, but of sun at the same time. He noticed blandly that her apparel was lighter, a little. She had reverted to red, but such a deeper red; a sleeveless zip-up (_a smart choice, not counting the oddity of the day's weather_) and the same black pants. Her hair was still short.

"Hello, Momochi-san, Haku-san. Nice to see you again." Sakura gently kneeled, bowing before placing the flowers gently in the middle of the two graves, next to the offering.

Haku tried to pick up the dango, but it didn't work and he touched the ground. He didn't dwell on this, and instead reverted his attention to her, needing, almost begging for some small amount of attention from anyone.

"Just thought I'd drop by," she said airily. Then she sighed a little. "Okay, I bet you saw right through that, you two. I marked the date on my calendar last month because I remembered to come back. I wonder what you guys think. Probably that I'm some insane pink-haired girl that you had the misfortune to meet once and couldn't shake her," Sakura laughed.

Haku's lips twitched upwards because of her (_not for the first time_), but it was only a ghost of a smile.

"I bet God is disappointed in me," she murmured.

"You don't know he exists," Haku replied, because he didn't, either, but was sure of his answer.

She didn't hear him.

He didn't expect her to, anyway.

"…I can't even put my prayers in my head to you guys, because I feel like you're still here, just invisible. Which means I'm talking to thin air. I'm pathetic," she laughed again. It was maddening and saddening at the same time, for two very different reasons.

"You're not talking to thin air," Haku croaked. His voice was suddenly very dry. "I'm here, I'm here, talk to me, please talk to me, I need someone to talk to;" his pleas fell on deaf ears, because they couldn't hear people like him. "Please talk to me." Whispered, a ghost of a whisper, just like him.

She smiled and continued anyway.

"So – I'm still training with Tsunade-sama. I learned some new stuff, and she says I'm progressing really fast for a medic-student, even at Shizune-nee-chan's pace, and I might even be faster than that!" She seemed very pleased, and Haku could tell without doubt she was beyond how she appeared; obviously (_from overreading into a girl he had met two point seven three times, to be rounded to the hundredths place rather than continue into the ten thousandths – not that he kept track or anything_) she had been the underdog of her cell, the weakling that really had just had a good dose of reality when figuring out who the weakest link was.

But she was doing something about it, and was obviously proud of herself. But she said she had a long way to go.

Haku remembered someone who said that, and what he asked. He wondered what her answer would be.

"Aren't you strong enough already?"

She paused (_he hoped for a millisecond but he knew from the start she didn't hear him_) but continued informing him of the two other boys, who were held in regard from her (_and seemingly others_) far above herself.

She could've talked for minutes or hours, but Haku was absorbed into what Sakura said because he knew, if he was lucky, the next time he'd get to talk to someone wouldn't be for another year, so he focused on her for something new to think about.

"…So, Kakashi-sensei is doing mostly S-classed missions nowadays. We don't… really… talk much anymore." Her face fell, but brightened a little. "We still do see each other, though, and even if we haven't trained, I've been getting better stuff from Tsunade-shishou." She grinned.

Then she sneezed, because she was cold, and her fingers were tinged a light light light barely visible shade of blue which Haku almost worried about; he told her gently to go home and get a jacket on because she was wearing a bad shirt for snow, which had begun to stick to the ground a bit and coat the girl across from him in a gentle layer of iridescent white.

But she kept talking happily, and Haku came to a quiet realization.

"This is an escape for you, isn't it?" Haku asked softly.

No response, because Sakura was already mumbling something under her breath when she was talking about the hyperactive blonde he met once.

"Of course. Because you're talking to thin air, so it makes you feel a little less insane by letting everything out to a ghost."  
Then he smiled a real one for the first time in a long time and listened.

-

The snow, as Haku presumed upon observing last year's events of the only day where anything really happened to him, was still going, even as dusk began to settle in.

There was a little imprint where two little knees had rested, a little place barren of any snowflakes that littered the rest of the ground. He was alone, now, but started so suddenly from watching the gift he had received earlier he was afraid he knocked them over, but then that was silly because he couldn't knock them over, so instead he looked up for the second time that day.

He found the copy ninja treading toward him steadily; what a surprise, and Haku bowed at his killer out of instinct, then felt silly for doing something he couldn't see him do –

Or could he?

After a moment, where Kakashi had stopped at the imprint on the ground and looked down at it amusedly for a minute, it became clear he could not see Haku, but came to pay his respects as well to the dead master swordsman, and perhaps Haku as well.

"I see Sakura-chan has visited you two."

The voice was deep, a sort of voice Haku hadn't heard for years that was low and very easy to hear, smooth and laidback.

"Just me," Haku stated plainly and he spread his arms with his hands open to further his meaning, but Kakashi didn't hear him and didn't see him; he instead kneeled down beside the girl's imprint to bow.

"I don't know why she comes here every year for the past two," Kakashi said thoughtfully, almost insinuating she didn't have a reason to – this hurt a bit, that his only company for a while shouldn't have seen him at all, but Haku played devil's advocate against himself and reasoned why not, because the truth hurt, and wasn't that the truth.

"…But I think it's helping. Two years ago, likely this very day, was when Sakura realized she really wasn't taking the ninja way seriously. That she had convinced herself she was along for the ride, for whatever life gave her and nothing more until that point. I think she looked – and still does, Zabuza and Haku," the man had a slight twinkle in his only visible eye, "I think she looks up to you two. After you both left, we honored you, because you were ones to honor. It helped her along, and I think it's helped me along, too."

The man's eye curved up in a smile.

"Thank you." He bowed once more before getting up and leaving, too, his footsteps, crunching in the frail blanket of snow, slowly fading away as his back did, too, into the evening as the sun slowly sank behind the ocean and gave a wink one last time before drifting off to sleep to let the moon do her job.

Haku watched Kakashi leave, not for the first time, and mutely wished that he could find the voice to ask him to wait.

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Yum yum yum, reviews make me write faster. :)


	3. Still Here

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_Finding Heaven_

Chapter Two: I'm Still Here

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Naruto had gotten back a week or two ago, and Sakura was ecstatic – beyond that, and rightly so, because one of her best friends (_she'd admit it, because she really missed him – not that she'd admit _that) was back from a three year trip. She couldn't help but think that the other was still gone, but shoved the thought to the back of her mind and thought of it no more. 

Completely happy to have her own team (_almost_) back, she had almost completely forgotten the summer; a week before (_sometime after fighting Sasori, funnily enough, when her mind should be focusing on much more important things_) she realized with a slight jolt that she had almost forgotten the date, so she pulled out a pen and wrote a quick reminder along the base of her thumb (_the strangest habit to have acquired from both Tsunade and Shizune_). Then she went on with the mission to save the Kazekage.

And they did, and it was good – Sakura felt something warm in her upon departure, and though she couldn't quite place it, she knew it had something to do with Naruto and Gaara's newly strengthened friendship and the smile on his face and his siblings visages.

It was squashed quickly by horror and slight embarrassment when Gai insisted Kakashi-sensei be carried piggy-back and Lee then youthfully exclaimed that he and Neji do the same (_Sakura was relieved beyond relief when Neji declined point-blank_). She and Tenten shared rather exasperated looks, and life was good.

-

"Every time I come to Ichiraku, I can't help but be super happy I'm back!" Naruto exclaimed with a 'dattebayo' following it as he rushed into the stall, jumping onto a stool, and asking the old man loudly for a miso ramen.

Sakura followed; the day after the long mission, and she was grinning like crazy because the pay was good, everyone was alright, and her team – including Kakashi – were eating at Ichiraku ramen stand, an acquired taste of three years of hers, and she wasn't paying.

"No, no, no, see, I'm not like Jiraiya –"

"Don't be stupid, you're exactly like him!"

"Aa, now children-"

"Shut up, Kakashi-sensei," the playful retort came from both of his former students while Kakashi hung his undignified head in slight shame before turning away to eat his ramen, his two students laughing at his back.

It was only upon finishing her ramen (_Naruto, at the time, being on his seventh – Sakura considered asking how he even stayed healthy on the one-food diet, but thought better of it, deciding she didn't really want to know_) that Sakura glanced at her hands, and then focused on her thumb. The pen, still not washed off, stated the date clearly and Sakura made an exclaimed sound. Her two teammates turned towards her.

Waving her hand at Kakashi, Sakura smiled a little.

"Two days, sensei! Naruto, you get to come, too! It'll be nice to get some snow for a while."

Naruto sent a furtive look of questioning at Kakashi which Sakura saw out of her peripheral vision, but she didn't comment, because Kakashi shook his head and didn't, either.

The first day passed quickly enough; on the morning of the second day, Sakura was ready by early morning to set off, having cleared the yearly trip with Tsunade beforehand, who had dryly remarked she had a feeling Sakura would want to see her to clear missions for a day for the team. Smiling brightly, Sakura waved to her mother (_blearily waving back, having not had her mandatory morning cup of coffee to be remotely human_) and slipped out the door…

Only to find, as she suspected, Kakashi was still in bed (after checking his apartment) and Naruto was dressed (after checking his), except that his shirt was on backwards and he was trying to put his sock on his knee from staying up late and messing around with Konohamaru.

Therefore, after scolding her sensei, sending him off to get ready, packing for him and getting Naruto's socks on the correct place, she hurriedly grabbed them and through the gate they went, off to the Land of Waves, the hot climate of the Fire Country cooling as they grew closer to their destination.

-

Another year.

He didn't even know how he could _bear _it anymore, and if he was really able to feel his real body, Haku's limbs would've been too cramped up to fix from his constant sitting position.

But today was different.

Today it was snowing.

Haku didn't expect much of his existence – it was almost like a sick person, floating in and out of consciousness, but on a select few days of the year it was a bit easier to stay awake, and today was the easiest, because it was snowing in the middle of summer.

He told himself she and her sensei wouldn't come, because the fall of disappointment would be near unbearable. Worse, even.

Yawning slightly, Haku leaned back against the cross and closed his eyes.

-

"N-Naruto-kun?!"

The shriek of surprise was followed by something hammering into Naruto. Laughing, Sakura and Kakashi followed an ecstatic Inari and slightly shell-shocked but grinning Naruto into town, off into the same white house that Sakura had grown fond of.

Tsunami's little boy was grinning, and she was smiling as well, and the old man was laughing a deep laugh from his big pot belly (derived from alcohol and altogether a bit too much food consumption). An excited Tsunami showed Naruto around their refurbished home, and she beamed as her practically adopted son remarked how great it looked. They all then settled down for some tea on the pretty little cushions in the nice home to talk; Naruto began to recount tales of adventure while traveling with 'Ero-sannin,' and his listeners were captivated.

…Excluding Sakura and Kakashi, who had heard each story several dozen times, but nonetheless remained quiet for the sake of the blonde.

"-And then Ero-sannin, he ran out of the place, and I was just sitting there all tired, and he passed right by me and yelled 'run,' because the idiot had gone and forgotten to pay-"

Sakura couldn't help but grin at the telling of the Great Pervert Ninja and the Tale-of-the-Forgotten-Payment-to-the-Inn-People-and-Brothel-Owner-So-They-Ran-and-Were-Chased-All-the-Way-to-Iwa.

Hmm, should probably shorten the title.

Naruto finished off the tale, and his three captivated listeners broke out into laughter and Naruto joined along. Kakashi smiled a bit; Sakura found the perfect opportunity to excuse herself and did not miss it.

"I'll be back," she called out, and Inari and Tazuna and Tsunami already expected this, so they smiled readily and their attention turned back to Naruto.

"Where's Sakura-chan going?" She heard him ask, but she spent no time waiting to hear the reply and shut the door behind her with a satisfied 'click.'

Off to the store, which was doing well with a new cash register and complimentary paper bags to carry things in like a real grocery store; then Sakura headed down that familiar road, that led her out of town into a quieter area with barely any houses and lots of wild plants and trees.

Her feet made small scuffing sounds against the dirt, which suddenly gave way to grass, wild grass that was up to her ankle.

No one took care of this place anymore, because there was so much unkempt green that was everywhere over the old dirt road. Sakura frowned; it was late afternoon, and it was snowing. They'd have to go soon.

"Next year I'll clean this place up," she murmured, because she had every right to believe she'd be back again.

Kneeling, the girl silently bowed until her forehead almost touched the ground. She straightened, quietly set the small box of onigiri down, and began to talk.

-

Haku tentatively touched the box of onigiri, a nice little plastic store bought brand, and his hand passed right through it. His lips pursed a little, but he ignored the tempting box and looked away to his source of somewhat-sanity.

"Konnichiwa, Haku-san, Momochi-san. Me, Sakura, again. How annoying, neh? Too bad, you're stuck with me," she smiled, and she was older. Her hair was still so short, but her same shirt was lighter red, with a big white jacket over it – dressed for the occasion for once, and she was wearing a white skirt.

How funny. She was once a child, and now was as old as he was.

"Konnichiwa, Sakura-san," Haku replied, and his voice was raspy but he experimentally cleared his throat and it worked again, metaphorical rust clearing away.

"…Well, I apologize for coming again. And for speaking out loud. I feel I have to, because… praying just doesn't help, I'm sorry how rude that sounds!"

"Please speak out loud," the request was unheard, but… maybe, just maybe, not unfelt.

Sakura chatted for a while. She was getting stronger. She was a chuunin, she passed almost a year ago, which was better than a few people in 'the rookie nine,' the three passing teams from her genin years, because a lot of them only passed the last test, and she passed the one before. Then she talked about how her own team, and how Naruto came back, and she was genuinely happy, and like always, she talked to him for hours, and he paid rapt attention, genuinely interested and almost happy himself like always that someone was paying attention to him.

Then she sneezed, something Haku was not surprised at, even if she was properly dressed for once with a jacket, though the white skirt probably didn't help.

"I love sitting out here when it snows-" she sniffed a little and tried not to sneeze – "But I wish I didn't sneeze so easily, haha…"

Then the copy ninja came up behind her and touched her shoulder lightly; she looked up and smiled at her sensei, who's one visible eye closed with a smile as well and he told her to go back because she was going to catch a cold. She didn't object, but bowed deeply and Haku smiled gently at her retreating back before refocusing his attention on the man in front of him.

This man didn't say much, but stood there for the longest time. Lapsing in his own thoughts; but it was company, and Haku didn't complain. Before he left, Kakashi the copy ninja murmured something that struck Haku like ice – then Naruto quietly padded up to the grave behind Kakashi to stand with him for a while. The silver haired man turned around and began to walk away, but Naruto stayed.

Haku watched the man's receding back for a time.

"Hey, Haku. Zabuza." He grinned slightly. "…Been a while. I… Sakura comes here every year. I'll come with her, because it feels like… like you can hear me."

And this blonde, who had grown up so much, so much, his friend who had grown up from a little troublemaker boy to a powerful young man, stood there with the most thoughtful look on his face as he said nothing more, merely kept Haku company even if he didn't know he was sitting there, all along.

And then Sakura's figure came towards them, and she tapped Naruto's shoulder and smiled gently, and said it was time to go. Naruto nodded, and they both bowed before the graves and turned.

As they began to walk, the silver haired man's words floated through his head.

"Every grave needs someone to visit, even if for a little while. …It must be lonely."

And as they walked away, Haku found his legs and stumbled up for the first time in years to follow them home.

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NOW we're getting somewhere. The last two chapters have been building up. 

Anyway, like always, I review faster when I find a lot of reviews. Physcological, yes, tell me what you think. FEED ME. :D

-Mandy


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